Jasmine, marigolds and garlands: flowers in Tamil family life

Flowers that are worn, offered and exchanged

In a Tamil household, whether in Tamil Nadu, Sri Lanka or a family that left either, flowers are rarely just put in a vase. They are strung on thread, pinned into hair, heaped on a plate at the shrine, hung round a neck and laid on the dead. A florist trained on the hand-tied bouquet can miss all of this, which is why a gift that looks generous in a shop window can land oddly at home.

What follows is a florist's reading of customs many people will recognise, not a rulebook. Practice differs between districts, communities and generations, and above all between families. When unsure, ask someone in the household; they will usually be glad you did.

Jasmine strings in the hair

The flower most woven into daily life is jasmine, above all the sambac jasmine called malli. It is grown so widely around Madurai, and so valued for its scent, that Madurai Malli is a registered geographical indication, the kind of protection more often associated with a named tea or cheese.

Jasmine for the hair is picked in tight bud in the morning, strung close on cotton thread and sold by length, often measured against the seller's forearm. The buds open through the afternoon and release most of their scent after dark, so a string bought at dusk is at its best by the time it reaches a temple or a wedding hall. It is pinned around a bun or down a plait, sometimes alongside orange kanakambaram, and a bride's braid may be covered in it entirely.

A jasmine string is a same-day thing. The petals brown and bruise within a day and nobody expects otherwise; it is bought fresh, often daily, from a stall near home. That makes it hopeless to ship and ideal for a florist in the recipient's own town to buy that morning.

Flowers offered at the shrine

In many Hindu homes a small shrine receives fresh flowers each morning, and those flowers are handled differently from flowers bought for pleasure. Children are often taught not to smell a flower meant for the deity, because its fragrance is offered first, and flowers that have fallen to the ground or been worn are usually set aside. Some flowers are linked with particular deities, though the pairings vary from family to family.

What goes to a shrine or temple is loose or strung: jasmine, marigold, chrysanthemum, rose petals, lotus, and leaves such as tulsi or vilvam that matter as much as any bloom. A tall wrapped bouquet has no real place there, however beautiful, because nothing in it can be offered as it is.

Nor is this only a Hindu matter. Christian families decorate churches and graves with flowers, jasmine is worn by many women regardless of faith, and a Muslim or Christian household will not share the ritual meanings above. Do not assume a religious reading the family does not hold.

The lotus, mostly as an image

The lotus belongs more to imagery than to the vase. Lakshmi, goddess of wealth and good fortune, is usually shown seated on one; it recurs in temple carving, kolam patterns at the threshold, wedding invitations and jewellery, and it is listed as the national flower of India. The meaning most people give it is purity, a clean bloom rising out of mud.

As a cut flower the lotus is awkward. It lasts only briefly once cut and its petals fall readily, so lotuses from a temple stall are offered the same day. To honour the symbol in a gift, a lotus on the card does more than struggling to send the flower itself.

Why marigolds carry so much of the load

Marigolds are so bound up with garlands, doorways and festival stalls that it surprises people to learn the large orange marigold, Tagetes erecta, is native from Mexico to Guatemala and arrived through trade. It became indispensable for reasons any florist recognises. It grows quickly and cheaply in heat, flowers for most of the year in a warm climate, keeps its colour for days without water, and its dense heads can be threaded on a needle without shattering.

That toughness is why marigold goes wherever flowers must survive sun and handling: a garland for a new shop or vehicle, strings across a doorway, and in many places the garlands at a funeral. Its colour reads as bright and auspicious, but because it is everywhere, on its own it says little that is personal.

Garlands at a wedding

At many Tamil Hindu weddings the couple exchange heavy garlands of roses, jasmine and other tightly threaded flowers, a ritual known as maalai maatral. The exchange is often repeated, sometimes playfully, with relatives lifting one partner out of reach. The garlands come from a specialist maker who knows what the family expects, and afterwards many families keep them until they dry, or place them in flowing water, rather than throwing them away. Christian weddings may use garlands, bouquets or both, and the bride's hair is still often full of jasmine.

Flowers when someone has died

In many Hindu Tamil families the body is garlanded at home, and those who come to pay respects may bring a garland to lay on it; petals are sometimes scattered along the route of the procession. White is widely the colour of mourning, in clothing as well as flowers, which is the reverse of what white means at a church wedding.

What happens afterwards varies more than anything else here. The immediate family often avoids celebrations for a period, and in more traditional households a widow may stop wearing flowers in her hair, a custom now kept far less strictly than it once was. Many families mark the end of formal mourning with rites on a fixed day after the death, and which day differs by community. In the meantime a quiet white or soft-toned arrangement sent to the house is generally understood, while bright mixed colours and anything resembling a birthday bouquet are best held back.

Choosing what to send home

Wrapped bouquets are now familiar in the cities of Tamil Nadu and Sri Lanka, especially for birthdays, anniversaries and hospital visits, and younger relatives often love them. Older relatives may read the same bouquet differently. A few principles help.

• Match the form to the occasion. Loose jasmine and garlands belong to the shrine, the wedding and the funeral; a vase arrangement or a basket suits a birthday, a new baby or a housewarming.
• Think twice about all-white. It is right for condolence, but for a wedding or a birthday add colour, particularly if grandparents will see it.
• Send to the house rather than the ceremony. Temples and wedding halls have their own flowers, and a delivery arriving mid-ritual becomes someone's problem.
• Let scent count. Fragrant roses or jasmine are noticed in a way a scentless showpiece often is not.
• Ask a cousin before sending anything bright after a death. Whether it is too soon is the family's judgement, not the sender's.

Flowers in these households are used, worn and offered, and they are expected to be fresh. That is the best argument for a florist in the recipient's own city making and delivering the arrangement on the day, from that morning's market, rather than sending anything that has spent days in a box. A family that lives with flowers notices the difference at once.